Archive for June, 2009

I have watched for dumb laws for a while. I have seen a lot of them. Don’t put an animal on your head, don’t Jay walk on Sundays of the full moon, don’t wear your pants on backwards. Hey – It’s could happen that you just so broke a Dumb law.

If you haven’t been to Dumb Laws, then you should pack the kids up in the internet vehicle and see what you can or cannot do in your State. You will be surprised what you might not be able to do.

For this, we did stick in the US. Not to say there are not dumb laws in other countries. Don’t think just because you live in Australia, means that you have perfect laws.

Still, todays’ post, we decided to highlight 15 laws. Whether they are the top dumb ones or not, it doesn’t matter. What does matter is that people think that these were smart ideas at the time.

No random order:

Indiana – Hotel sheets must be exactly 99 inches long and 81 inches wide.

Can you say “Hospital Corners”

Texas – Beer may not be purchased after midnight on a Sunday, but it may be purchased on Monday.

If you gotta think about this, then you need to stop drinking. Bottom line, you cannot purchase Beer for a whole second.

Connecticut – It is illegal to dispose of used razor blades.

So what do you do with the razor blades? Turn it into a mobile? Maybe a Kids playhouse? Oh look – Johnny lost an ear. How cute…

Oregon – No person may allow his dead dog’s carcass to remain on public property.

Where’s Rowdy?!? (Scrubs reference)

Colorodo – One may not mutilate a rock in a state park.

How do you mutilate a rock? What do they call mutilation? I could urinate on it and that could be mutilation. If a bird poops on a rock, do they get in trouble?

Louisiana – Persons could land in jail for up to ten years for stealing an alligator.

That is, if they haven’t lost an arm or leg stealing the alligator in the first place.

Michigan – It is illegal to let your pig run free in Detroit unless it has a ring in its nose.

Just one piercing? That doesn’t sound right. What about tattoos?

Alabama – Boogers may not be flicked into the wind.

I did that once. Once. (Johnny Dangerously reference)

Iowa – One-armed piano players must perform for free.

Well at least they have one arm.

New Jersey – It is illegal to wear a bullet-proof vest while committing a murder.

If the vest don’t fit, you must acquit.

Hawaii – Coins are not allowed to be placed in one’s ears.

This is actually a tragic story. Little Johnny lost half of his face when Bop-o the clown tried a magic trick that went awry.

Florida – It is illegal to sell your children.

Yes. Trade them in for 18 year old females. Oh wait. You can’t do that either? Well that sucks.

Mississippi – Exterior burglar bars which are viewable from the street are not allowed.

At first I thought they meant Taverns, but in reading again, this might not be a stupid law. They just want to make things look pretty.

South Carolina – It is perfectly legal to beat your wife on the court house steps on Sundays.

God bless America and all that is holy.

Nevada – It is illegal to drive a camel on the highway.

See, even in Nevada, you can’t do things. Besides, Camels know how to count cards and the Casinos won’t let them in anyway because of that.

I remember getting the Mad Magazine. I enjoyed all it had to offer from the cover of Alfred E. Neumann incorporated into the pop cover, to the fold up in back. It was and still is a great magazine.

One thing that I enjoyed more was the comics. Spy vs. Spy, Don Martin (He has a Shrine, you know), but just as important was Al Jaffee. He brought a lot of sarcasm to his strips with “Snappy Answers for Stupid Questions”. For instance, you might see someone at the computer and another ask the question:

“Are you on Dorkazine.com”

The reply would be a trifecta – like:

“No, I am on ebay buying an expensive car”

“No, my pants are on fire and I am looking online for the proceedure to ‘Stop, Drop and Roll’”

“No, I thought this was the microwave. Hopefully my Burrito is done…”

On a daily basis, Bitstrips offers a remix challenge: Write a good caption to the bitstrips comic. It was a street bum with piles of money. This inspired me to do an Al Jaffee tribute. So enjoy this Snappy answer to a stupid question.

I was over at the folks house the other day. I noticed in the garage they had a metal detector tucked away.I started thinking of cool things I could find with that metal detector. Then I went back into reality and walked away. I wonder if the reason was I didn’t want to carry around that dorky item.

Now I don’t have to.

The Metal Detecting Sandals let you walk and find all the cool stuff while your hands are in your pockets. Although some people may think you are on some “Home jail” program and you might get tackled by a couple cops every now and then. But you will be able to just walk and find. Pull out the sifting net and dig.

The best part is these sandals only cost $59.95. So if you were laid off and want to be a beach bum this summer, then these sandals are for you. Just don’t walk into an airport with them on.

Found this on Facebook. If you are not a Facebookaholic or are going through FBAA (Facebookaholic Anonymous), then we’ll help you out. I highlighted the good ones.

1. You’re like an exothermic reaction, you spread your hotness everywhere!
2. I wish I was your derivative so I could lie tangent to your curves
3. You’re like a dictionary, you add meaning to my life!
4. If i was an enzyme, i’d be helicase so i could unzip your genes
5. I’m attracted to you so strongly, scientists will have to develop a fifth fundamental force.
6. Baby, you overclock my processor.
7. Be my queen and mate me with your knight moves.
8. Baby, you make my floppy disk turn into a hard drive
9. You make me want to calibrate my joystick without the latest drivers
10. You defragment my life
11. Do you think we can make it a step more serious and disable network sharing?
12. You must be auxin, cuz u r causing me to have rapid stem elongation.
13. Baby, let me find your nth term
14. I don’t have a library card, but do you mind if I check you out?
15. Baby i’ll treat you like my hw- I’ll slam you on the table and do you all night long
16. Hey baby, can i see what’s under your radical?
17. If I were an integral, I’d fill you up.
18. You must be calcium bicarbonate, because if you let me get you wet, then the reaction will be explosive.
19. I think my heart just lagged.
    (*NOTE – We at Dorkazine think it should be “I think my heart just Defraged”)
20. I wish I were your second derivative so i could fill your concavities.
21. Did you just combust?? Because you’re HOT!
22. By looking at you I can tell you’re 36-25-36, which by the way are all perfect squares.
23. It doesn’t take a genius to see how gorgeous you are, but if it did, I would be overqualified.
24. Baby, if you were words on a page, you’d be what they call FINE PRINT!
25. What do you say we go back to my room and do some math: Add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs and multiply
26. Baby, you’re a 9.999999999…but you’d be a 10 if you were with me.
27. Baby, everytime i see you, my cardiovascular system gets all worked up
28. I wish I were adenine because then I could get paired with U.
29. What’s your sine? The sine^(-1) of you must be pi/2 cause you’re the one
30. If my right leg was christmas and my left was Easter, would you like to spend some time between the holidays?
31. You have nicer legs than an Isosceles right triangle.
32. Your so cute you make my zygomaticus muscles contract. (Muscles that make you smile)
33. When you and me get together it’s like superposition of 2 waves in phase.
34. Want to meet up so I can excite your natural frequency?
35. If I was sin^2 theta and you were cos^2 theta together we would be 1
36. You know.. it’s not the length of the vector that counts… it’s how you apply the force
37. If I move my lips half the distance to yours… and then half again… and again… etc…. would they ever meet? no? Well in this specific case i am going to disprove your assumption.
38. Your name is Leslie? Look, I can spell your name on my calculator!
39. If i was an endoplasmic reticulum, how would you want me: smooth or rough?
40. I wish I was an Ion so I could form an exothermic bond with you.
41. If my right leg is the cell wall and my left the membrane, do you want to be the cytoplasm?
42. Our love is like dividing by zero…. you cannot define it
43. Lets meet somewhere… you bring your beaker and I’ll bring my stirring rod
44. Baby let me be your integral so I can be the area under your curves
45. Hey baby, what’s your tanx cosx?
46. Lets get together and test the spring potential of my matress
47. Let’s discover our coefficient of friction
48. Baby, you’re so gneiss I’ll never take you for granite.
49. I less than three you….. (i < 3 you)
50. I heard you’re sin because you’re always on top when we make tangent
51. You be Flourine and I’ll be Francium and maybe later I can give you an electron
52. My sudden protracted cardiac arrhythmia tells me I love you
53. Whoops, I think my binomials just expanded
54. I must be the Sun and you must be Earth, cause the closer we get, the hotter you become.
55. Baby I wish I could live on a [integral of 1/cabin d cabin] with you.
56. Excuse me, ma’am, but can I get your seven significant digits?
57. I’m overheating because you’re stuck in my head like an infinite loop.
58. You must be chlorine cause you are polarizing my bond!
59. Baby if you let your acid react with my base, you can count on getting 100 MOLES of my water and salt
60. i’ll be the one over your cosx an baby, we can have secx!
61. Would you like to enjoy my laptop, I promise I don’t have any viruses…
62. I’m relativistic: the faster I go, the longer I last.
63. That dress would look better accelerating towards the floor at 9.8 m/s/s
64. I’m a star. Wanna taste the Milky Way?
65. I’m attracted to you like the Earth is attracted to the Sun-with a large force inversely proportional to the distance squared.
66. YouTube Myspace and I’ll Google your Yahoo
67. I wanna stick to u like glue-cose
68. Baby, I can feel an attraction between you and me, and it’s more than just our universal gravitation…
69. I’ll “eye” your pod!
70. B equals T x N. I think you and I should study the T and N planes in depthT and N = osculating plane, which literally means the ‘kissing’ plane.
71. If I could rearrange the periodic table, I’d put Uranium and Iodine together. (Uraniums symbol is U and Iodines symbol is I)
72. Baby, we’ve got chemistry together… next period.
73. At absolute zero, you would still move me.
74. Hey baby, your Body and Love waves are rocking my bedding
75. How about we make like the change of base law, with you on the bottom, and me on top?
76. Baby if you were a 6 I would want to be your (reflection about the x-axis + then reflection about the y-axis) –>9
77. Hey baby if i supply the voltage and you a little resistance, imagine the current we can make together. (V=IR => (V/R)=I)
78. Baby stop with diet coke, you’ve got plenty of ASSpertame
79. Yo baby, you want to see me solve a quadratic?
80. Baby, lim (u->me) ? e^x = f(u)^n.
81. On a scale of 1-10, you’re a solid e to the power of pi
82. I think that convex butts are ALWAYS better than concave butts..you look toned
83. I wish I was your secant line so I could touch you in at least two places!
84. Baby ill be your asymptotes so i can shape your curves…
85. Would you like to see the exponential growth of my natural log?
86. If you were a graphics calculator, i’d look at your curves all day long!
87. Question: Wanna integrate my natural log? Answer: I’ll have to be one over first…
88. hey girl, let’s get together and figure out our heat of fusion
89. it’s a good thing you’ve got evaporative cooling, cause i’m gonna make you sweat
90. hey baby, lets figure out the torque of your mass on my rod
91. baby i just drew a pic of you on my ti83 but ur sooo hot my screen melted
92. The way the light reflects off the angles of your head is extremely enchanting.
93. in Old English: Ich grethe Þae, maec Cwen.(I greet you, my Queen)
94. I don’t know if you’re in my range, but I’d sure like to take you home to my domain.
95. Hey baby. Want to squeeze my theorem while I poly your nomial?
96. Hey baby, I’m like a rubix cube. THe more you play with me, the harder I get.
97. You’re so hot, you must be the cause for global warming.
98. Since distance equals velocity times time, let’s let velocity or time approach infinity, because I want to go all the way with you.
99. Your body has the nicest arc length I’ve ever seen.”
100. I hope you know set theory because I want to intersect you and union you.
101. You and I would add up better than a Riemann sum.
102. Can I be the phasor to your electron and take you to an excited state?
103. Let’s make like a transcription factor and response element and turn things on.
104. If I were a Shwann cell, I’d squeeze areound your axon and give you a fast action potential.
105. You must be an asymptote, because I just find myself getting closer and closer to you.
106. You’re as sweet at 3.14.
107. You must be massive because I’m attracted to you.
108. I won’t stop bugging you until I get the address to your home page!
109. You fascinate me more than the fundamental theorem of calculus.
110. My love for you is like a concave function’s positive first derivative, because it’s always increasing.
111. Let’s convert our potential energy to kinetic energy.
112. Why don’t we measure the coefficient of static friction between me and you?
113. You’re hotter than a bunsen burner set to full power!
114. Baby, together U and I make uranium iodide (UI3)
115. If I were an assembly language, I’d jump to your address, shift right a bit, push it in, pop it out, load a byte into your accumulator, then jump if you’re negative.
116. In Euclidean geometry two parallel lines never touch … let’s go back to my place and study some non-Euclidean geometry.
117. My vector has a really large magnitude. Would you care to normalize it?
118. Roses are #FF0000, violets are #0000FF. All my base are belong to you.
119. I 1-sin(theta) you.
120. You and I must have the same natural frequency, because we resonate together.
121. The surface of my cylinder is not a compact metric space.
122. Most women are so complex. They’re always like “i! i! i!” But you – you’re just so real. (Note: i! does not mean i factorial.)
123. My love for you is like the slope of a concave up function because it’s always increasing.
124. Can I plug my solution into your equation?
125. The volume of a general cylinder was known for thousands of years, but you won
126. i want to go through your every procedure, Do your Loops, and program your Booleans
127. I wish I were a predicate so I could be the direct object of your affection.
128. I think if you and i had Hex we’d be a perfect OA
129. Can I bombard your singularity with my rocket ship until you supernova?
130. you are the log(base 10) 10^1…
131. Let’s work out our orbicularis oris muscles together! orbicularis oris = kissing muscles
132. I’ve been secant you for a long time
133. The direction fields of my heart all point to you
134. Want to be my substrate/enzyme?
135. You have 206 bones in your body… want one more?
136. Chem students do it on the table periodically
137. If you let me work hard enough, I can give you a dipole moment
138. I love you like an unspoken metaphor. That’s why I had to use a simile.
139. Instead of being the derivative, id much rather be the secant so i can touch u not only once, but twice
140. Lets make love like pi; irrational and never ending
141. baby lets measure the amplitude of our physical wave
142. baby you’re the basis of my mind. no matter what i think of, it all comes back to you
143. Maybe later we can go over to my place and titrate until you reach your end-point…
144. Baby, you must be a start codon because you are turning me on.
145. Wanna alkylate my alkoxide? It’s nucleophilic and ready to backside attack the halogen out of you.
146. The word of the day is “Legs”, lets go back to my place and spread the word
147. Baby, you must be a pile of dinosaur bones, cause I dig you!
148. Baby, you’re body is like a hyperbola
149. Baby, you’re like a pendulum… you’ll only stop when I damp you
150. Are you the square root of 2? because I feel irrational when I’m around you
151. Being with you is like switching to polar coordinates: complex and imaginary things now have a magnitude and direction.
152. Our love is more perfect than 6.(Six is the first perfect number)
153. You can put a Trojan on my Hard Drive anytime
154. Baby you must be a modulus sign, ‘cos whenever you wrap your arms round me i always feel positive!
155. Baby, I’m like an oceanic plate on a gravity slide – I can’t wait to subduct beneath your crust!
156. You’re so hot you denature my proteins
157. Baby you know this sh*t isn’t USB2.0..it’s firewire!
158. Let’s just cut to the chase, I wanna hotsync your PDA.
159. Nobody turns me on from a cold boot like you.
160. Don’t worry honey, they call it my dual-channel RAM.
161. If you were Anatomy, then I’d be Physiology because they always go together!
162. Want to make the Cold War hot?
163. My court packing plan isn’t my only packing plan…
164. Want to play War of 1812? I’ll light your White House on fire…
165. There’s a reason they say I started the Era of Good Feelings…
166. Can I annex your territory after class?
167. Do you want to help me with my project on the tit- I’m sorry, TET Offensive?
168. I’ll be your Secretary of the Interior…
169. I bet if Jefferson had met you, he would have vetoed the Non-Intercourse Act.
170. Want to go back to my place and discuss Big Stick Diplomacy?
171. Want to reenact the Battle of the Bulge?
172. Hey, up for some high-energy quantum tunnelling tonight?
173. If you were a concentration gradient I’d go down on you
174. Girl whenever I am near you, I undergo anaerobic respiration because you take my breath away
175. If you were C6, and i were H12, all we would need is the air we breathe to be sweeter than sugar…
176. we’ve been differentiating for too long, lets sum it up and integrate
177. you and i add up better than a riemann sum
178. my love for you is a monotonically increasing unbounded function
179. Your beauty defies real and complex analysis.
180. Your hottness is the only reason we can’t reach absolute zero.
181. I use my rod of infinite length for more than just simplifying calculations…
182. You must be a magnetic monopole because all i get from you is attraction
183. My love for you is like pi, it’s never-ending.
184. I wish we were in telophase, cause then I could admire your cleavage.”
185. Let’s make our slopes zero (slope of zero means horizontal => bed)
186. baby you must be O2 cuz i m about to combust all over you
187. I just bought a molecular model kit, want to play with my stick and balls?
188. ?-1) 2-2sin? ?du
     ?-1) = i
     2-2sin? = cardiod graph (heart)
     ?du = u
189. Forget hydrogen you’re my number one element
190. You’re cute, I’m cute, together we’re 2cute!
191. you are like a proton in my core–without you i could never be the same.
192. Hey baby, wanna form a synapse with me and exchange neurotransmitters?
193. Baby, if you were oceanic crust and I was a continent, I’d let you subduct so we can make hot hot magma.
194. I do believe I am your reciprocal; we will be one when we multiply.
195. Hey baby, wanna form a zygote?
196. If I’m the Riemann zeta function, you must be s=1.
197. You’re a moving electric charge, and I’m a moving magnetic charge… Wanna flux?
198. If I toss a coin, what are my chances of getting head?
199. hey baby, do you need an anatomy tutor? They say i’m the best because i prefer to use a more HANDS-ON approach.
200. Baby, if they made you in Java, you’d be the object of my desire.
201. Baby, if they made you in C, you would have a pointer to my heart.
202. Baby, if they made you in Haskell, it would infer that you were just my type.
203. You’re like a Universal Turing Machine; you’re the only one that I’ll ever need.
204. Like a quantum computation, our paths are entangled.
205. You’re like an NP-hard problem of significant size; I could spend the rest of my life with you.
206. If I could program the universe, I would allocate you and I in contiguous memory blocks.
207. If I was an operating system, your process would have top priority.
208. Like a graph with n^2 edges, you complete me.
209. Are you a non volitaile particle? Because you raise my boiling point.
210. If I went binary, you would be the 1 for me.
211. my hypothalamus must be secreting serotonin because baby, i want you!
212. i’m sine and you’re cosine, wanna make like a tangent?
213. I sure hope our coefficient of restitution is 0, ‘cos when we make contact i never want to part!
214. My love is like communism; everyone gets a share, and it’s only good in theory.
215. You + Me = The number of sides in a Mobius Strip
216. Hey baby, let’s make a stress-strain curve together.
217. I don’t need neurons to stimulate your sensory system.
218. Let ‘u’ and ‘i’ be irrational integers such that a real non-monotonic relationship exists for all T = {0 … infinity}
219. you must be absolute, because every time you’re around me, i feel positive
220. Hey baby, can I be your enzyme? because my active site is dying for a chemical reaction.
221. Why don’t you remove those barriers to imports? It will ease my inflation and the benefits will trickle down.
222. how about you Palmitoylate my protein, so i can drive it into your lipid raft.
223. baby, i’m gonna break you like a large non-polar substance breaks a phospholipid bilayer!
224. what say we slip between my beta-pleated sheets and you get to know my alpha-helix?
225. I couldn’t help but notice your impressive cleavage furrow…
226. let’s exchange plasmids – my pilus is huge.
227. baby, if you let me pump my H+ ions into your intermembrane space, it would induce a massive conformational change in my f1 complex.
228. Baby, if you were oceanic crust and I was a continent, I’d let you subduct so we can make hot hot magma.
229. Hey baby, let’s vasodiolate!
230. I’d be the photon to your electron and take you to an excited state.
231. You must be sin squared, because I’m cosin squared and together we equal one.
232. Baby can u oil up my geering system while I use my rack-and-pinion steering?
233. Hey baby, I’m a power source, and you’re the kind of resistor i’d like to deliver my load to.
234. Baby, let’s configure our hard drives in master and slave position.
235. Hey baby, lets turn off our firewalls and connect our Ethernet cable.
236. Babe, you take the ‘C’ out of sec(xy)
237. Let’s fool the physicists and avoid our least actions for the night
238. Ill be the naked singularity. You be the black hole.
239. Baby, let’s stone and weierstrass till our epsilons touch
240. I want us to be like the discrete metric

Art is in the eye of the Beholder. It doesn’t matter if it’s a painting or a macaroni sculpture. So why not take hunks of wood and make them into Art?

This, of course, is not a new idea. Tree art has been around for a long time. We’ve used wood to make everything – from tables to houses. We even whittle them to toothpicks and glue those together to make fun structures.

I found this site the other day. It’s called the Treeincarnator. He can turn those hunks of wood into anything. Including the Eagle on the nest in the picture.

So why is he a dork? Well, I always believe that the word Dork is not a bad connotation, but more of a badge of honor. You are dedicated to what you do and you do it well. You are a Dork. And the Treeincarnator is a Dork of Tree Art and the website of the week.

It’s amazing how some videos decide to go over the top. Then there are ALL of the Journey videos – good band, bad tapes. Don’t forget the Billy Idol lip lift.

Well now you can get all that again and then some with the Literal versions of those and many more music videos. Rick Rollin with A-Ha, Radiohead, Brittany Spears, Beatles and a whole lot more.

These are videos where the music is replaced with a literal version. Complete with Karaoke follow lines so you can learn the songs and then repeat them to a bunch of drunken people the next night!

What is a “Literal” version? Well, it basically is singing what is going on. In the case of Journey, one of the lines counts how many close-ups Steve Perry recieved. BTW – it was 20: Yes, I counted.

Here is a snippet from Rick Roll (the Rick Astley song “Together Forever”):

In my creepy trenchcoat
Blue denim shirt and – Hipster shades
Enough of me let’s cut to my Shadow
and then I’ll dance under this non-discript tunnel

I can see a blind girl dancing freely
gotta take this to banquet hall

Karaoke all alone
Frank Sinatra’s Microphone
Giant Windows Make this place look Churchy
No one here to serve last call
Finally menage a trois
Suspenders don’t suit him at all
She’s Dizzy.

There is a lot more “Literal” versions. In the meantime, check out the Literal version of “Total Eclipe of the Heart”.